The Hurt Noone Sees...

This whole thing with Rhianna and Chris Brown is just awful. But it hits close to home.

I have been there, I was a victim of emotional abuse. Its' all very familiar although I have reached a "forgive" state in my life. Christ has helped me with that along with a couple of very dear dear friends. I was emotionally abused during my high school years. No one would believe me. He was such a "nice guy", so "quiet" and was "everyone's friend". People, open your eyes. No one would help me, no one wanted to see it. Everyone thought that I was the problem. No one could see it. Some still wouldn't believe me if I told them all the things that happened. But it happened. And I am not afraid to speak out. It was abuse. Never again.

I was stalked, threatened, and mentally abused. He would drive past my house to check up on me, he would get mad at me when I went out with friends, he forbid me to talk to any other guy, he would get mad that I wore spandex shorts while playing volleyball, he would be fine around his friends but would look all mad around me- like I made him upset. He didn't ever want me to wear nice clothes, he wanted me to always wear a sports bra because I had bigger boobs, he would talk to all sorts of girls, but when I sat in class next to a boy - he would get SOOO mad at me. He would tell me he loved me and wanted to marry me, but never showed that around his friends. He would say "I HOPE I CAN TRUST YOU" about 1000 times a day. This person knows who he is. I have forgave him since he was not right in the head and will not ever let this happen to another person close to me EVER.

No one could see it. No one would help me. Again, they all though I was the problem. I was not depressed. I was the reason HE was always mad. HA! Whatever!

I want to become an advocate for teenage abuse. I want to write a book to tell my story and to help other young girls to get out. I used to be afraid to talk about it, but not anymore. I used to be afraid to write about it, but not anymore. God saved me. He gave to me two best friends that are far greater than any pain I went through. One I married and he saved me too. My husband was sent from God to help heal me and to know what true love is. He is amazing. He is my angel on earth.

If I ever have a daughter, I swear on my life she will never go through what I went through. I promise you that. If I ever have a son, I will be sure he treats women with all due respect.

I can't go back and change the past, but I can take what I have been through and learned and help others. If you know anyone who may be in an abusive relationship or need help, I am always here to talk.

This is from the Oprah website:

Warning Signs of Teen Dating Abuse

An alarming number of teenage girls are being controlled or abused by their boyfriends by the time they graduate from high school. As a parent, you must know the signs of abuse in order to stop it. Dr. Jill Murray's warning signs can help you prevent your daughter from being a victim.

The Warning Signs:

• Isolation: Does your daughter have fewer friends than she did before meeting her boyfriend? This speaks to the isolation that an abusive boy imposes on a girlfriend. He might isolate her first from her friends, then from her outside activities and then her family. She can then become emotionally dependent on him, and find it difficult to leave.
• Emotional Changes: In the early infatuation stage of any relationship girls are often happy. Once the boy becomes abusive, she begins feeling sad and desperate. She may cry more or want to be alone.
• Constant Communication: Does your daughter's boyfriend constantly call or text her, and she must call him back immediately? He might ask her where she is, what she's doing, who she's with, what time she'll be back and how many other boys she has spoken to.
• Jealousy Issues: You might notice the boyfriend's jealousy. If your daughter looks at or speaks casually with another boy, does he get upset? Did he tell her that he loved her early in the relationship? This is his "hook." Your daughter might find this romantic, but it could be another red flag for jealousy and issues with control.
• The Boyfriend's Background: If your daughter's boyfriend comes from a tragic home life, it could mean trouble. He might not be far behind in his parent's footsteps if they use drugs or are abusive to him or each other.
• The Need to Impress: When he gives her "advice" about her choice in friends, hairstyle, clothes or makeup, notice if she's following his every word. Your daughter is likely in complete denial and may be in fear of what he will do to her if she doesn't change.
• Making Excuses for Him: Your daughter might stick-up for her boyfriend, defending his words and actions. Don't let her denial force you to ignore your gut! He may have convinced her that she's too sensitive when he calls her names or told her he's "only kidding."

Most importantly, if you keep the line of communication open with her, you'll be able to notice more signs. For more information, call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 866-331-9474 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE.

I was healed. I want to be able to help heal others.